The Mother Vs The Lover
by Charles Oberonn
Summary: It is the first day of school and Linda isn't pleased with Vanessa dating her little baby.  So they settle it with a battle of wits on the love of the Lover/Child, all on one car ride. Who'll win? WARNING: Strong Language and a Surprise!


**I don't own Phineas and Ferb or any of its characters, Dan Povenmire and Jeff Marsh do.(and Disney D****= )**

Linda Flynn-Fletcher parked unhappily next to the building of Vanessa's high school. It was a gray private place with expensive looking windows and a nurtured garden. She probably got there through her divorced parents' fortune.

Linda didn't know much about the Doofenshmirtz family but she heard rumors saying they got their relative fortune through the "Evil Business", whatever that was.

Vanessa entered the vehicle and sat down on the back right seat. She wiped a bit of sweat of her forehead. It was already September 1st but it was still hot. The red car started moving.

**~~X~~**

"Hey Mrs. F-F," Vanessa peaked over to take a peek at the seat next to the driver; she was surprised to see no one there.

"What is it Vanessa?" Linda asked with a sarcastic Un-amused tone, she didn't like Vanessa that much.

It's not like she had a problem with Vanessa as a person, it's just that Vanessa dated her child.

And Vanessa was especially bold when dating her little pumpkin, always kissing in public and right in front of her and made witty comments of affection.

She was much worse than Jeremy, also she was female and raising a lesbian teenage daughter wasn't that comfortable to Linda.

**~~X~~**

"Where's Candace?" Vanessa asked with a mean smile, Vanessa knew very well that Linda didn't like her and made sure the mother could hear her taunting tone.

Linda grunted, Vanessa hadn't waited a second and asked another question to piss her off.

"I thought you worked in a store near her school, it makes getting to our dates so much easier." Linda was indeed disappointed that because of slow business at the store she had to drive Candace to her first date of the school year with her… girlfriend.

"She went to a small concert of **Jeremy and the Incidentals**." Linda tried to make the tone Vanessa did, but being adult she couldn't quite make it and it sounded lame.

The gothic\punk girl wasn't pleased to hear this.

She will never admit it to her girlfriend but sometimes Vanessa wished Candace and her now-ex-boyfriend would have broken up more violently.

"Well it doesn't matter because today she and I will go to a movie and later tonight to a real concert with a real band." Vanessa sounded confident in herself, but she pulled out her secret weapon anyway.

"Is it the band that's Candace chose?" Linda asked.

"Yeah, upset?" Vanessa scored some points in the argument.

"The **real** band that's having a warm-up concert for their **real **concert tonight right now at the park?"

"Fuck!"

Her points were taken back straight to Linda.

1-0 to the mom.

**~~X~~**

"Vanessa you'd better wash that mouth of yours before Candace get on this car!"

Vanessa smiled silently; the variation of the sentence Linda said every time she saw her (Well, not every time, she and her met up plenty of time before she started dating Candace, before she even met Candace in person, it was like a mysterious force that brought the two young lover to each other.) was the opening line for her great counter attack!

"Sure thing Mrs. F-F!" she raised up her secret weapon and activated it.

It was a present given to her by her dad, the greatest tool for her to use on her date.

Pssst. She sprayed from the small can a light refreshing shower of apple taste, she then turned the device back and put on a dark blue transparent lipstick.

"Dr". Heinz Doofenshmirtz latest "–Inator" was the _"Multi-Breath-Spray-and-Lipstick-Inator" _which had both breath spray and lipstick with various flavours and colors.

It was pretty small yet more useful than most of his other Inators, Doofenshmirtz didn't much time for evil now that's his college vacation was over and he needed to go back and complete his PhD. That parent didn't have any problem with whoever his daughter girlfriend.

"Thanks, dad." She whispered.

"What was that you used now?" Linda asked startled, she almost didn't stop at a red light.

"The Multi-Breath-Spray-and-Lipstick-Inator." Vanessa said in short to hurt the most.

Linda was really angry now, not only she knew she'd have to watch the two girls kiss when Candace gets on, but this time she has to watch Vanessa prepare as well?

Vanessa noticed her rival lack of words out of anger and annoyance; she used this opportunity to add salt to the wound.

"It's a device made by my dad to make sure I'll give your daughter the treatment she deserves." Vanessa made a humble hand gesture.

"With it I am spicing up the pleasure I'll give to your daughter lips." She wondered how far she can get with this, Linda still seemed silent.

"The same lips whose sixteen years ago sucked on your nipples, but you just gave her boring milk all the time." Vanessa blushed at her own sentence, but she didn't regret it.

Linda wondered whether or not she should kick Vanessa out of the vehicle. Candace would definitely not like that, but it's also good to educate her about hanging with punks and bad youth.

Linda thought of Candace angry expression, the girl really lost trust in her mother throughout the last summer; Linda doesn't want to ruin it more.

But she can still rebuke Vanessa.

"Vanessa, you are a pervert, I forbid you to use that… thing!" Linda yelled at her, the light was still red, the intersection they were in was next to the college Doofenshmirtz went to, or more accurate, next to the college's Café.

"You can't tell me what to do." Vanessa tried not to say it childishly, but the nature of the sentence made it sound like that anyway.

"My car, my rules." Linda kept with the parenting clichés.

"Fine, then I'll use it outside your car." Vanessa opened the window next to her and hunged her head out; luckily they were still in a red light.

She opened her mouth big and held the spray next to it where Linda could clearly see in the side mirror.

And so were the biker halted next to them. He gave her a thumb up and honked his bike's horn. Vanessa's face became red instantly.

Then suddenly someone got out of the café, it was her dad. He walked in the road ignoring waiting cars and held a strange gun next to the biker's head.

"You lowlife citizen what are you doing here to that-" the grown up scientist ran out of words.

"She's sixteen." He simply said and shot, teleporting the poor biker to the dimension of a giant alien baby.

Everyone except Linda looked with awe, she was angry watching Vanessa wide open mouth in the mirror.

The light turned yellow and then green, Dr. Doofenshmirtz backed away and dodged annoyed drivers.

"Have a nice date, Vanessa!" he shouted as Vanessa pulled her head back in and the car continued driving.

Even with the last scene Vanessa was still clearly the winner of this round.

**~~X~~**

It was a tie, and the final round of the invisible war has begun.

The brown and red haired women saw the park where **Jeremy and the Incidentals **just finished playing in and where Candace was waiting them.

Vanessa decided that for this round she'll throw the bomb.

"You're Homophobic." Vanessa said, she wasn't entertained at all from that conclusion.

Linda prepared a speech for the day someone we'll accuse such, she coughed and started talking.

"Listen, it is like… chocolate." The mother pretended she was making it on the spot.

"Huh?" Vanessa was confused.

"I like chocolate, chocolate is fine, But it better to put chocolate in a cake."

"If I want to cement my wall I'll use cement." she added.

Vanessa took her time thinking when she understood the metaphor.

"But chocolate cemented walls can stand just fine." Vanessa said.

"I know, I know." said the mother.

"I have nothing against chocolate cemented walls. I just want to cement **my** wall with actual cement."

"You don't have a decision in this." Vanessa shouted, "The wall is cemented on the other side, the side you don't have control over, so the wall can be cemented with whoever they want, ermm... **whatever**."

"I know that too, but…" Linda said, "Just think of the disadvantages of chocolate cemented walls! They're usually less steady and more likely to fall."

"Yeah, but most people agree that chocolate cemented wall are much… sweeter." Vanessa giggled.

"Yes but there's also more! You can't hang pictures on chocolate cemented walls."

"Well not with a nail, but in the future they'll develop technology that allows us to use nails on chocolate cemented walls and they'll have pictures too." Vanessa said.

"But that will cost a fortune and there's still a lot of time until they'll invent it."

"Meanwhile there is a lot of other ways. You can put cement on only one brick and hang the picture on it…" Vanessa tried to fit something to the metaphoric form.

"And there are always posters!" Vanessa yelled, they got closer and closer to the park.

"But a poster isn't really a picture." Linda said.

"If it's an image on a wall then it's a picture." Vanessa felt like she rested her case so she added "Beside, I am happy with my chocolate cemented wall clean for now."

"And posters take years on the waiting list and tone of poster papers to fill." Linda said one more thing before they stopped next to the park.

"That's where the metaphor fall apart." Vanessa said and looked into the park for her special someone.

"Just like a chocolate cemented wall."

Vanessa got angry, she was about to tell the woman to shut up when she saw Candace running toward them and relaxed.

"It's looking pretty steady to me." she said, Candace entered the car at the back at sat next to Vanessa, holding her hands, both the girls blushed.

**~~X~~**

"Wow, Vanessa!" Candace said passionately, "Your lips, they're beautiful!"

"My dad's invention." Vanessa said proudly.

"The man is brilliant." She said and kissed Vanessa.

She immediately disconnected the kiss, a tiny trail of saliva formed between their mouths, Linda looked away with disgust.

"Is the taste…?" Candace asked.

"Same invention, yeah I know he's a genius." Vanessa rushed and kissed Candace again.

That round Vanessa won, and with it the whole battle, but it wouldn't matter if Linda would have won all rounds, as soon as Candace and Vanessa get together she realizes she can win every battle.

And still lose the war.

"By the way Mrs. F-F, in your metaphor does it means gay guys eat cement cakes?" Vanessa asked and was interrupted by a gentle hand that landed on her cheek and pulled her into another kiss.

Linda looked back on the girls making out, she sighed, but smiled.

She smiled since she was happy to see her daughter so in love with someone. She started driving to the movie theater

And Linda was happy to know the one her daughter love was sort off her friend.

The friend she liked to argue with.

Over the one they both love.

**~~The End~~**

**Maybe I'll make a sequel/prequel if there's demand.**


End file.
